Those who know me well know my fear of the dangerously deep and dark hell that is The Friendzone. This is-indeed-the place where dreams go to die. How do I know? I’ve been an avid resident in this infinite hell hole. Thankfully though-I found a back door that leads right out of there. I wasn’t easy leaving though. I had to chose between liberty and forever being bound by chains of hugs; affectionate glances and comments such as “You make me so happy”. Thankfully my ancestors are strong and their wisdom guided me out (lol) Some aren’t as lucky as i was though and are always fooled by friendly gestures so let me school you on how to escape the snare of the Friendzone Devil.
1. Learn to be impartial. When your subject (Jimmy; Sally; Zinhle or Ndumi…what ever their name is) gestures to you in any way that makes you feel ‘special’ ALWAYS ask yourself,” If this was someone else would they seem as romantic? Have i escalated this moment to the proportions of incredibility when this is in fact a normal exchange between good friends?”
2. Do NOT and I repeat… DO NOT bring them close to your family!!!!!!! You don’t want to be reminded just how much they are not yours. Family has a tendency to ask questions about your single status when they see you enjoy someone’s company and when they realise that you’re just friends they will want to push you together (which makes things even worse). I made this mistake really early and it hurts to be asked all the time where he is; what he does; when he’s coming around to visit and why we aren’t together.
3. Do not give them any of your stuff as “sentimental keep-sakes”! This always end badly because your initial decision to give your property away is for them to get closer and closer to you and they DON’T. What DOES end up happening though is that you keep being reminded of how you epically failed at getting ‘the love of your life’ to love you back.
4. Don’t involve them in every facet of your life. It gets harder and harder to forget them and move on when you keep being reminded of them at every turn.
5. Finally- JUST WALK AWAY! It’s the decision to walk away from a one-sided friend/relationship that changes everything. Take it one day at a time.